The hymen has usually thinned by the time you first experience vaginal penetration — whether with tampons or something else — so sexual activity will have little to no effect. There are a number of things that can cause your hymen to tear or wear down. Certain physical activities and sports, for example, can stretch the membrane and cause it to thin. There are a number of reasons why sex might hurt the first time. For example:. But there are a number of ways to reduce pain around sexual activity — and it is possible to have sex for the first time without feeling pain.
Talking to your partner about sex can reduce your anxiety. During foreplay, your body realizes it will be having sex, so it starts producing its own vaginal lubricant. How long should you spend on foreplay? Foreplay itself can be a fun experience, for both you and your partner. So, take your time and figure out what you like. Ten minutes is a good goal to aim for, but you might simply wait until your vagina is wet enough for penetration.
Whether you get wet easily or not, lube is always a good idea. The lubrication makes penetration easier and less painful. Do some research before buying a lube that works for you. If one sex position feels uncomfortable for you, change it up!
When it comes to penis-in-vagina sex, missionary position is often comfortable. This is where the person with the vagina lies on their back while the person with the penis lies facedown on top of them. You can prop a pillow underneath your hips to make the position more comfortable and pleasurable for you and your partner. If your partner is penetrating you with their fingers or a sex toy , try lying on your back with your legs spread slightly apart.
You should be just as mindful of the positions you use when you masturbate. What will happen to it? And if I tried inserting a tampon, would that facilitate the tearing process?
Please help. Dear Tawanda,. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially blocks the opening of the vaginal vaginal entrance, with space or spaces for menstrual fluid your period to flow through. Hymens can be stretched or torn during the first experience of sexual penetration, or with tampon use or other non-sexual activity.
It can also be stretched with fingers. Some females are born without a hymen. Once torn or stretched, the hymen becomes an irregular ring of tissue around the vaginal opening. This need not cause you any concern.
This flesh tab will shrink to the sides of the vagina following increased pressure on the hymen, due to the insertion of a tampon, penis, or other object into your vagina. You can also stretch your hymen yourself through a relatively simple procedure. Many women find these methods more comfortable, as they can exercise the muscles at their own pace.
When doing so, it is helpful to be in a state of arousal and have proper lubrication as this prepares the muscles to be used in the way you want them to be. Vaginismus is a general tightening of the pelvic floor muscles upon penetration. Vulvodynia is a pain in the outer area of the female genitals, such as the clitoris, labia, or near the vaginal opening.
Other types of pain you may experience are a burning sensation, piercing or dull pain, tenderness or sensitivity, or muscle spasming. For example, some people carry their stress in their pelvic floor, leading to painful sex. Experiencing high levels of anxiety or low moods such as depression can also impact your muscular response to sexual intercourse. Another cause of GPPPD is related to the new way the muscles are being used that we discussed above in reference to the pelvic floor.
Here we would recommend reaching out to a specialized pelvic floor physical therapist to rule out physical issues. If pain continues, there are other possible reasons. Most commonly, vaginal pain is due to a lack of lubrication. Consider asking your partner to engage in more foreplay before sex to allow more time for lubrication to occur. Spit is a great natural lubricant. Another option is to use artificial lubricants, which are widely available at major retail stores, your local pharmacy, or even online.
Be sure to stay away from oil-based lubricants if you are using a condom, as the lubricant may weaken the integrity of the condom. Pain during sex may also have an emotional cause. However, pain may also be linked to more persistent anxiety or fear. Ask yourself if you are completely comfortable with your partner. If you believe you might have anxiety regarding sexual activity itself, therapy can help you work through these feelings. Therapy is also helpful in overcoming various pain disorders that can affect women of all ages and all levels of sexual experience.
There are various exercises you can try to prepare the pelvic floor muscles for sexual activity. Kegel exercises work the muscles controlling the vaginal walls, uterus, bladder, and rectum. Kegel exercises involve the same muscles you use to urinate, so next time you do so, it might be helpful to note how you control these muscles. However, you should be sure not to perform Kegels while urinating, as doing this habitually can cause urinary tract infections.
To perform a Kegel exercise, start by orienting yourself into a comfortable position — sitting or lying down will probably be most comfortable. Make sure to breathe naturally throughout the exercise — do not hold your breath.
Next, you will want to tighten your pelvic floor muscles and hold for about 10 seconds, and then relax for 10 seconds. If you cannot tighten the muscles for 10 seconds, start with a few fewer seconds and try working your way up to To prepare these muscles for penetration, the next step to this exercise is to perform the Kegels while some type of penetration is occurring, such as with dilators or fingers.
A suggested time frame for penetrative Kegels is as follows:. These are considered reverse Kegels because they focus solely on the relaxation portion of pelvic floor muscle exercises.
Kegels, however, strengthen both the tightening and relaxing of these muscles. In some women, pelvic floor muscles may be particularly tense, so exercises focusing solely on the relaxation aspect may be the most beneficial. Another difference of pelvic floor drops involves visualization example mentioned below. To perform a pelvic floor drop:. When taking a deep breath, the abdominopelvic cavity enlarges while the pelvic floor muscles elongate. This exercise helps with pelvic pain because it trains the pelvic floor muscles to both stretch and relax.
To correctly perform diaphragmatic breathing, follow these steps:. Painful virginity loss and pain in early sex are common occurrences among women. Despite their frequency, there are many techniques targeting various causes of genito-pelvic pain and making sex less painful. Sometimes the solution is as simple as adding lubrication, trying different positions, gently stretching the hymen, or assuring you are comfortable with your partner.
In other cases, mild surgeries to correct abnormal hymens could solve your pain quite easily. If none of these prove helpful, routine exercises such as those explained above are an accessible way for women to treat their own pelvic pain in the comfort of their own homes.
If the problem persists and sex is painful every time you try, be sure to see a doctor for medical advice. However, speaking to a professional therapist about your specific experiences with pain also has many benefits. Talk to us today at to set up your appointment. Read more about the female genital anatomy. I think you are missing another cause: A partner with a large penis.
But I could see how it might for some women, especially if they have other issues on top of this such as abnormal hymen. Lubrication is a definite key factor and adequate lubrication cannot be emphasized enough. This was my experience.
There was some pain with penetration for the first time and then some discomfort throughout, but more pleasure than pain. This was also my experience: I felt fine directly afterwards, but by the next day I had significant swelling and tenderness. This resolved within 3 days. One additional note: because my partner and I were in a long term monogamous relationship and I was on birth control which allowed us to both be more relaxed we did not use condoms which is, of course, risky outside of a monogamous relationship.
Any question or concern about persistent pain or irritation or discharge or any other symptoms should be discussed with your doctor. As the author noted, for women, pain at first intercourse cannot always be avoided but it can usually be minimized and pain does not prevent the experience of pleasure. And it is possible to experience both at the same time!
Thank you for reaching out! We hope you found the email we sent you to be helpful. Best, The Better You Institute. Please I need help ,am 32yrs old virgin n getting married soon.. Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like this has been a very painful journey for you. Without having more information, it is difficult to say exactly what is going on. You may find it most helpful to get a gynecological exam to make sure everything is okay in your vaginal region.
You can also make an appointment with one of our specialists to help you through this process. Feel free to give us a call — to set up an appointment. And hymen is a myth right? Hymen is not a myth, check out our other tip about the female genitalia or our masturbation tip You may find these helpful during your painful time.
Please give us a call at So i am 21 and lost my virginity to my best friend. I have had sex with him three times already and I have bled each time. We have had rough sex but im usually wet when we have sex or he will spit to make me wetter. The last time we had sex i bled a ton i stained the whole bed but thats when he fingered me a lot and very hard. Am i nleeding because maybe i did not pop my cherry the first time or because im still nee to sex?
Also that time we spent a while doing doggy style. Idk why im bleeding so much. It wont hurt only before he puts it all in and then it feels fine. Hi Stephanie! Thank you for coming to our page and reading! Your body needs time to get used to having sex.
You may want to do positions that do not go as deep i. You may also want to use lubricant rather than spit. The bleeding could be several things, one might be that your hymen is still somewhat in contact. A quick examination of your vulva area with a mirror will give you more insights as to what is still down there. Feel free to set up a phone consultation to see if sex therapy could benefit you! Penetration is really painful for me, only one finger can be inserted comfortably.
How can I make this experience better for myself? Hi Jenny, Thank you for your comment! Getting your vulva, introitus, and vaginal canal ready for penetration can take time. Remember, your pelvic floor is a muscle, so you must work it out like any other muscle. Specific exercises can help you address the pain. However, there may be something else going on that can be assessed by a sex therapist or a physical therapist. This information seems misleading.
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